Who is the greatest superhero?

You.

Serj Tankian.

No, no, no.

Me.

Yo mamma!

Anyone who's superhuman is cheating in fighting crime. This means you, Superman.

Ghandi, muhfucka!

Is this a UHF reference?

Nanananananananananananana spider man!

nanananananan hey hey hey goodbye

I can't believe no one's said it. Fucking Batman. The kid has no powers. He's just a bad ass dude that woke up one day and was like, I'm gonna do some crunches and get a utility belt and go fight some fuckin' baddies.

On his own planet, superman would be just like everyone else. Spiderman? He got lucky, no work involved.

He's a self-made superhero, that counts for a LOT. Anybody can mutate and effortlessly flow into crimefighting or supervillainy.

Also, Rorschach and the Night Owl.

Thank You man!!!!!!! Finally someone is smart! It is obviously Batman. He does all the thinking. All the fighting. Everything he does. All the other hero's cheat. Ya Ironman is has no "powers" in the sense of webs being shot out of someones hand (spiderman) but he is in a robotic suit that can fly! Cheating. BATMAN ALL THE WAY!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry, I keep seeing Berto's sig and all I can think is that Charlie Kelly is my superhero. His weapon of choice?? KITTEN MITTONS.

I guess the Punisher, too, although he doesn't usually get classified as a superhero. Or Max Pain

quote=HardCandy] Also, Rorschach and the Night Owl.[/quote]

I like how Batman has an actuall reason to fight other than just justice. I am not sure but does Rorscach and Night Owl have a reason aside from justice?

what's UHF?

that's all the reason a superhero needs! backstory is awesome, but sometimes mysterious motives and past are interesting too.

I think we've discussed this before and we all agree: Batman.

That is also very true. I just can't stand people saying that Spiderman or the Hulk is better than Batman when Batman is actually Human and is vulnerable. It makes it a lot cooler to watch knowing that Batman could go down at any minute; it builds suspense. The Hulk won't even go down with 100 .50 cal bullets in his chest and Spider-man can zip away; he cheats with his "spidey-sense" or whatever. BATMAN! DUNANUNANUNANUNANUNANUNANUNA BATMAN!!!!

you raise a good point... an army of kittens armed with kitten mittens would reduce any super villain to tears of laughter, winning any fight.

charlie kelly the dayman might just trump batman.

These words you say are true.

I mean, are your kittens just TOO LOUD??

Besides, an army of superheroes wouldn't hear kitten mitton cats coming.

This guy:

And here's a close second.

Here's Wesley Willis singing I Wooped Batman's Ass : Linky

So I guess he is the greatest.

Also,

Gee, I wonder who everyone thinks the best Super Villain is? I'm gonna go against popular belief and say THE JOKER. I don't know about you fools, but to me he is the best. Personally he is my favorite. Duurrr hurrr

Oh god... This is rly going to effect my "alone time..."

When done right its a toss-up between Batman and Spider-Man.

Batman because as has already been pointed out he's a man. When Batman is done 'right', he is a detective who uses his smarts to nab the bad guys. When done wrong he is a roided-out ninja.

Spider-Man because he is the character I think most people, especially young males, can relate to. By 'right' I mean when he is the nerdy, loser guy who is unsure about himself, but once he puts on the mask he is awesome. To me, Spider-Man has always been about Peter Parker more than it was about Spider-Man. When done wrong, he has a Super-Model wife and everything is going great for him PLUS he puts on a mask and kicks ass.

Okay, I have no permission to repost this, but Axel Taiari had the greatest fucking rant ever on Facebook about super heroes, thusly:

The Flash. Now, I don't know how many of you dogs of the scurviest sea read comics, but I do a big pile of comics. One thing that blows my mind is how completely insane the powers in the DC universe are. Look at Superman. This guy has more powers than French restaurants have ways to say "your taste in wine is atrocious". He has powers to do with every part of his body and then some. He forgets powers sometimes. He can shoot heat rays out of his eyes, frost breath from his mouth and red son radiation from his ass. He's that sort of crazy dude. All because he absorbs solar radiation.

Look at Batman. His power? The anti-power. Sure, he should be some tame, kung fun master of not much, but instead he's the hottest shit to ever shit on a plate. You got a power? He'll find your weakness and give you seizures or heart attacks. He'll light you on fire when you're sleeping or make you recharge your green lantern ring in the power outlet. Ten thousand volts of fuck you batman. That's Batman.

But the fucking Flash, my god, my FUCKING GOD, this man has the greatest powers of all. If Superman's powers are being sucked off by twin super models and batman coming home to discover your wife is not only bisexual but has two friends she wants you to 'get in on' then the Flash is an orgy with a thousand women who also want to pay your World of Warcraft billing. And click the mouse for you. This man is just that fucking hot. They have to power him down in the comics half the time just to keep him from doing everyone else's job.

Ok first off, he can travel at lightspeed. Mother fuck! Not only does he travel at lightspeed, but time slows down for him. So he feels like he's having a casual jog or reading the paper, meanwhile, his feet are moving so fast you can hear him coming from Montana while he's already gotten to Arizona. That's fucking fast. But wait! The ability to move at Lightspeed just isn't fucking enough!

I know! Christ this guy can punch you so many times in a second you've been hit five times in the cock and two times everywhere else. You think you're about to fight the Flash and then it hits you, for the last split second he's beaned your beanbags with more blows than you had sperm. But no, there's more!

The Flash can also vibrate through walls. Now last I heard, you can not move so fast you can vibrate through walls, so what actually happens is the Flash is so fast he can pick and choose the movement of his individual molecules and move them through other solid objects, phasing through solid matter like it ain't no thing. I mean you think a guy who runs at lightspeed would run into shit but no, the Flash just goes right through them. To top that with a cherry and some whipped cream (which the Flash made in like a millisecond, fucker) he can selectively choose to cause objects to be "okay" afterwards or FUCKING EXPLODE. That's right. He can run through you and make you blow up by transfering kinetic energy into you. Like Jesus. IT's bad enough you can't hit this guy, but he doesn't even have to punch you. Now your testicles have exploded and you're thinking you're about to hit him. Jesus? Just give it up. He's the fucking Flash.

Now imagine that somehow there's someone who can get around the Flash blowing your balls up secret ninja technique. Ok. He can also control the flow of energy between objects. This power makes no sense but basically he can throw a rock at you, and you think it's going slow and then he's like WHOOHOOO WIZARDLY FLASH POWERS and bam it's going at lightspeed. So he can throw seven million rocks at you in a second then make them all goes different speeds thus striking your nads with seven million rocks one after the other.

But wait! There's more! He can also take energy from the very power of speed and make clothes out of it. Yes. Flash makes his pants out of GOES FAST. The man is so fast he can make Flash pants that GOES FAST go right into. I don't even start to understand the physics of that but basically SPEED == REALLY TIGHT UNDERWEAR AND COOL LIGHTNING THINGIES OVER THE EAR. You would think this is the end of it but ok let's say Flash is fighting Superman and shit he's going to lose and FUCK how is Superman THIS fucking strong? I don't know he must be Superman fused with Batman into some sort of guy with tons of plans on how to punch you far harder than anyone else ok to end it off the Flash can GO BACK OR FORWARD IN TIME ON COMMAND.

How do you beat this dude? You're thinking you're hashing him good, laying down the beatdown, missing your balls and suddenly BAM YOUR MOM FELL DOWN THE STAIRS TWENTY YEARS AGO and there's a dent in your forehead and Superman not thunk so gud no more. Actually she didn't fall down the stairs the Flash put speed into them so they fell up her! Fuck you Flash! You moved the stairs to Soviet fucking russia! RUSH-A! Bitch.

Oh, and lastly his greatest power is he isn't fast in bed. He takes it slow and gets all the ladies with his superpowers then actually satisfies them in the sack. Who the Hell is this guy? You'd think he could AT LEAST be a premature ejaculator since his penis is moving at lightspeed but NOOOO he's even good in bed.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Wolverine sucks cock and should go die in a freak greasefire.

Fano wrote:

Giggan wrote:

Fano wrote:

Ghandi, muhfucka!

Is this a UHF reference?

... nooo....

what's UHF?

UHF is a film, imdb'it.

This is a scene from it:

This is a loaded question because you first need to define "greatest."

If "greatest" means most powerful, then it would either be Green Lantern (Ion version) or Cosmic Spider-Man.

You can't compare Batman to Spider-Man. Batman has no powers, yeah, but neither do 90% of the villains he faces.

Once in middle school, my computer teacher was claiming that Darth Vader is the most powerful being in any universe. That he could beat anyone, anywhere. And I tried explaining to him that The Flash could literally freeze time and take him out. But he wouldn't buy it. Even Kid Flash (Bart Allen) could take Vader.

Also, the best Flash, Barry Allen, sacrificed himself to save the entire universe. He ran so fast he essentially became speed.

Super Bones!

I say he's a hero.

Hands down winner.

Great answer. There is actually a book about what it would theoretically take to do this. Haven't picked it up yet.

On the coolness scale, Daredevil is way cooler than Batman though.

Blind man jumping off a building.

BANANAMAN.

Idiots. It was Captain Planet, clearly.

I realize the comic book rocks, but anything Ben Affleck has ever touched should shrivel up and die.

Exception: His speech in Boiler Room

I have to say this again. Being that Batman is just an everyday man who has no special abilities makes him amazing. A lot of other superheroes just got lucky with their powers. i.e. Spiderman being bit by that spider. i.e. The Hulk using Gamma Rays. Yes, Batman is a rich dude and that is how he is able to fund what he has but he still uses his head and thinks things through. Spiderman, as I said before, has his "spidey-sense." Superman, like the hulk, can take bullets to the head and not flinch. Batman has real villains, crazy ass people. Not just like most other comic book villains who constantly state, "I will hold the world at ransom." Batmans villains seem to always have a way of revolving around his counterpart, Bruce Wayne.

Spoiler: In the Dark Knight not only Batman, but also Bruce Wayne, has to face a challenge in which having to choose to save the love of his life, Rachel Dawes, or Gothams DA, Harvey Dent from the Joker. In the end Batman is filled with rage at the Joker but refrains from kicking his ass.

Batman is more of an epic, emotional story. Not just kicking peoples ass for the hell of not having anything to do on a friday or saturday night. Batman also goes out for justice and won't kill his enemies. As horrible as his enemies might be he is all about justice.

*Excuse my spelling errors.

I just made my facebook status: "Batman is obviously the greatest comic book hero of all time. How can people not realize that?"

Holy shit, Mike, that was the funniest thing I've ever read.

Favorite: But wait! There's more! He can also take energy from the very power of speed and make clothes out of it. Yes. Flash makes his pants out of GOES FAST.

hahahaha.

Don't get super-er than this

5:38

I know somebody here is going to disaprove, but in all seriousness, despite starring in an overwhelmingly high ratio of shitty to decent stories, my favorite is Dazzler, no contest.

Luke cage mabeh?

this may or may not be a typical response but i would have to say spiderman. he's like a typical teenager but with powers. batman, in the dark comic books is awesome but he has no powers. that's not cool, man. what teen wouldn't want to be peter parker. what an awesome guy.